That is a question that I have been struggling for such a long time now.
When you know that something is wrong for you, you’ve known it for a long time, but you do it anyway.
It’s the feeling of uncertainty that drives us back instead of going forward. It’s that feeling that I had something that was good and I want it back, even if that something had changed. For the nostalgic people it’s the thing that stands between them and true happiness.
Our past has a hold over where we live.
I don’t know if you know that feeling of HOME from your parents house, your apartment with your X, or from that time you were a wild child working abroad. But that feeling of home gets attached to a place and a time, and once that passes- you can’t get it back.
You know you can’t get it back- yet you try. You try hard. You tare your life apart, you leave your job, family and friends to go back to the place you felt complete in. You create this fantasy in your head of getting there, to your destination, and feeling that feeling of relief when you do.
That feeling is true. As you approach the gates of the city you once called home, you smile. You know you are going to be OK now, that everything will be just fine. But that feeling hardly ever last. Unless you were living there 2 weeks ago- you can never get back what you had. People change, they move on, some of your old friends might be gone. You will be wandering the city, wondering why it doesn’t feel the way it was before. You could try getting the same apartment, getting back your old job… But that will never be enough. You are different now.
Our career choices are often driven by fear.
Maybe this is one thing that I am not as nostalgic about or stuck in. I hear my friends complaining about their jobs all the time. Some of them are just ranting out like every person that works for the well being of someone else’s bank account, but others are truly unhappy.
I hear friends of mine and people I come across stating that their job is making them miserable, taking them no-where, teaching them nothing and even preventing them from living their dreams. Yet- they do not leave. You might hate 90% of the people in you office, but what happens if you move to another company that will hold 100% hated people? What will you do then?
What happens if you make that step up in your career, from a junior level to a senior and then be fired for not being as good as you thought you would be? But if you stay in a place you don’t like you will for sure stay unhappy, so why not take that leap of faith?
The people we once loved can change everything…
Whenever we see them.
It’s a sad story actually, one I think many people know. As you are recovering from a bad breakup you meet someone. That someone is perfect in every possible way. They understand you. They accept you for who you are. They let you cry, they give you the security that you need to heal. And then, 60 seconds before you give in to that happiness- you get that bloody text. A technological flashback from the person your heart really misses. And that changes everything.
You will stand in front of that perfection you’ve found and won’t be able to understand why suddenly you can’t connect the way you did. That text from your previous loved one, that call from your X, that accidental running with the person you once shared everything with- will destroy every piece of security you have found.
And it doesn’t have to be an X. it could also be that crush you always had, the one that led no-where cause you are so bloody different… That one that makes your heart pop out and back when you see them and makes you forget that you have a date tonight, a phone call you have to make or even to eat.
I think we are doing this to ourselves, on purpose. We are holding ourselves back with numerous excuses and explanations, but really- we are afraid.
Marianna Williamson phrased it best:
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.