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Shame: What happens in shame?


Shame; how affects a person? The article describes the problem with the feeling of shame, why it happens, the effect on the individual’s life, and ways to overcome it. The sense of shame is a shame or self-condemnation when a person is ashamed of what he has done, from realizing that his actions could harm others. It’s a feeling known only to people without complexities or cynicism. However, they are also ashamed of themselves because of the missed opportunities in life. Therefore, this feeling is familiar to almost everyone. You need to understand the types and causes of the condition that has arisen, which affects the mind and body.

The effect of shame on a person’s life

It sounds strange, but not only beauty will save the world. He will be helped by a community of like-minded people who know their worth. Excessive self-doubt and being programmed for guilt can flood anyone’s life.

Don’t confuse accidental embarrassment with systemic shame in a sensitive and refined nature. Guilt can become a temporary phenomenon in the life of a person who made a mistake and feels discomfort because of it. With a feeling of shame, everything is much more complicated because, in this case, other psychological mechanisms are at work.

Experts in the field of human psyche and action determine the impact of the feeling of shame on the individual’s life with the following parameters:

  • Low self-esteem … A subject who thinks he is the worst can become just that in the eyes of society. No one wants to face themselves and doubt depression.
  • Fear of public opinion … The feeling of shame is very often nothing more than the fear of appearing different from everyone else. Some people do not understand that this is not bad at all and drown their lives in the sea of ​​self-confidence.
  • Blocking Desires … Psychologists say that shame makes people give up on their dreams. A sensitive introvert is emotionally frozen by the artificially created perspective of social condemnation.
  • Self-esteem … This parameter is very close to low self-esteem, but it is the most extreme point of its development. A constant sense of shame makes a person such a notorious personality that he has no time to evaluate the actions of others in the process of self-destruction.

What happens in shame?

Sometimes it is worth focusing on the people who have shamed the feeling of shame. Such persons are not only to be feared but also to stop communicating with them altogether. However, there is a class of people who do not harm others and need help. The causes of their problems can be very different in education, which should sort out.

Sources of shame in children

The common phrase that children are our future has a much more philosophical background than we think. What you sow is what you reap in making a little man. Therefore, responsible parents must adequately manage their child’s shame to avoid harmful consequences.

The reasons for this phenomenon lie primarily in the following factors:

  • A small sacrifice by parents … Very often adults do not think about their words, which they say in anger or with the best intentions only to themselves. Phrases like “you’re waiting for my death” or “why you aren’t like Vanechka from next door” cause irreparable damage to the child’s psyche. The child begins to think he is worse than the neighbor’s kid. The worst thing is that an egoist can grow out of Vanya, and a child with a good life status, thanks to his parents, will be ostracized. The feeling of shame becomes a constant companion of such a victim in the pedagogical illiteracy of the parents.
  • Stencil child … It is straightforward to identify such children or teenagers. Stereotyped expressions of adults and lack of personal opinion are the hallmarks of these children. Tyrant parents love their children, of course, but they want to grow out of them as a version of themselves. If the child cannot or does not want to attend such a bar, then the system of guilt is running for him. At first, this will manifest in doubts about their usefulness to their parents. Then the adult will be ashamed of everything and everyone.
  • Exposed Children’s Museum … No one has yet canceled such an idea as the influence of the social environment on a person. In the film “Scarecrow” by the remarkable director Rolan Bykov, this phenomenon is shown vividly and harshly. The child’s psyche is very fragile, so the feeling of shame can be attributed to the essential cruelty of peers toward the chosen victim.

All the above situations are a wake-up call for those parents who, in the race for an imaginary ideal, do not notice how their child suffers and becomes overgrown with complications.

Sources of shame in adults

In adults, with the described problem, sometimes everything is much easier. If a pathological sense of guilt has not been established since childhood, it is much easier to deal with it. The question of how to remove the feeling of shame should be considered wisely by an adult.

 He should learn for himself the main reasons why instability has arisen, which can be described as follows:

  • Humiliation by a loved one … We trust our family and friends and open our souls to them. Sometimes they selflessly spat at her, causing severe injuries. When analyzing an act, it is simply impossible to understand why the native could behave with him in this way. The result is shame on him because the one who was next and next hit the guts.
  • An uncomfortable living situation … Very few people can boast that they are not afraid to be compromised in the eyes of society. Only shocking people or the faction of the nation under the lofty popular name “doesn’t care” are happy with this. One moment of shame can turn even a very confident person into an openly harassed person with constant shame.
  • A gossip victim … an evil person, is one whom the chief guardian of public opinion does not like to gossip about. Such persons overlook their sins and oversights because of the iron rule that they cannot condemn their actions since all are ideal. As for neighbors, colleagues, or even a person passing by with a disgustingly happy face, in this case, there is a lot of work in spreading disinformation. Someone will smile at this fact, but many can become hostage to such public opinion.

Remember! In all these cases, you need to be yourself. In the case of defiance, yielding to the pressure of unfamiliar outsiders means abandoning one’s own “I” directly.

Signs of an intolerant person

It is easiest to recognize in your environment a person with the blue thief from the novel “The Twelve Chairs.” He blushed and felt ashamed and did what he thought. It is much more difficult to understand a person whose increased sense of shame has become a kind of life value.

However, psychologists were able to find “traps” that clearly define people with similar life situations:

  • A desire to be invisible … Modesty is a lovely feeling that especially adorns the graduates of the dormitory for noble girls. No one claims that impudence is an admirable human quality. However, the passion for getting lost in the crowd cannot be a satisfactory desire for a self-sufficient person.
  • Frequent mood swings … This manifestation of the essence is also characteristic of sad people, who are not subject to firm, but prolonged fits of anger. Such people are ready to destroy the offender, wipe him from the face of the earth and turn it on its axis. The plans described are grandiose in scope, but only a revenge engineer with chronic shame knows about them.
  • Suicidal tendencies … If you do not consider mentally ill people who cherish the dream of a beautiful exit from life, then this desire betrays the owner of a long-term guilt complex. Among people who want to commit suicide, the most significant percentages are representatives of the club of active self-torture.
  • In this case, irrational behavior … Adjustment disorder makes a person an explorer of his soul. He is so engrossed in his complications that he does not care to analyze the life of his fellow chronic alcoholic. There is only one thought in the head of such a person: I am the worst – period.

Psychologists say that there are more and more people with chronic shame. According to the described signs, they can be identified in their environment. There is no need to help tyrants and cynics (they do not need support), but those who know such a problem need advice and friendly support.


Personality changes depending on the manifestations of shame

Feeling guilty about someone is inherent in many people unless it is about a cynical or narcissistic narcissist. The former see the world as it appears to them due to a lack of belief in moral principles. Another type of people is more straightforward: they know no one but themselves. However, some who seek the truth of life often experience a state of false shame.

It seems that there is no reason for alarm, but such people can be easily calculated using the following assumptions:

  • Blue Thief … As mentioned before, this category of people is easy to calculate. Their sense of shame is hypocrisy and outright cruelty at its most sophisticated. As a result, you can hardly call such a helpful person.
  • Victim of trauma in childhood … In this case, it is worth saying that a person could have a different life situation if he had another form of upbringing in childhood. Practice shows that most broken lives and broken families encourage disabled youth.
  • Secret Psychologist … People with chronic shame often struggle to vent their negative emotions. These are sad people with regular attacks of aggressive states, which they keep inside.
  • Thirty-three Mishaps … A classic loser is often held hostage by lingering guilt and shame. Misfortune seeks him; therefore, he considers himself worthless and a toy in the hands of fate. At best, he will perceive what is happening with a smile, ashamed of his mistakes in life. At worst, he will end his life as he considers himself an outcast.

Attention! In everyone’s life, a failure or stressful situation does not leak out. In this case, it is essential not to let shame and guilt take root in your life and destroy it.

How to deal with shame

Shame is an excellent manifestation of the essence if expressed in moderation. However, this dramatically interferes with forming a full-fledged personality in a child or achieving an adult’s dream.

Can solve the question of how to get rid of the feeling of shame in this way:

  • Self-hypnosis … No one can convince himself as much as the person himself. “It’s a pity when you see that there is nothing to show” is an excellent expression in this case. They talk – it’s beautiful, they put on braids – they remember, they don’t give life – it means you are their meaning that you need to respond precisely to this system in order not to become hostage to chronic guilt.
  • Re-evaluating life’s values: Very often, we are ashamed of what is beautiful. Many people are afraid to show their feelings or interests on the verge of kitsch. It is important to remember that everyone is individual and not subject to standardization. In this case, you should not be ashamed of yourself because the norm is a very approximate concept.
  • Seeing a psychiatrist … In this case, even a friend will come in handy, who will take on a vest for a friend’s abundant tears. If the problem is out of control, the help of a specialist will not hurt; on the contrary will significantly lighten the state of mind and help to establish inner harmony.
  • Great activity … People will not advise badly when they say that they knock out a wedge with a wedge. There is no need to go to extremes in the form of walking naked along the street or singing folk songs in the central part of the city. You need to find out the cause of false shame and try to solve it in another way.


Many are concerned with the problem of how to overcome the shame that does not allow them to develop fully. First, you must believe in yourself because a strong personality can withstand adversity, temptation, and unconstructive criticism. And secondly, regularly work on yourself, set yourself essential and not very goals, but be sure to achieve what you want.

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